Kent – I Still Feel Like a Coward

I didn’t know they helped men.

When her test was positive, I lost it

When my girlfriend’s pregnancy test came back positive, I lost it. I was 21, and we’d been dating for almost two years. Our relationship wasn’t the best. I was insecure because I worked a lot, she went out with her friends and I was constantly jealous. We knew we weren’t good for each other let alone for a child. Neither of our families lived in the area, we were alone and were facing a huge decision.  We didn’t really talk about it too much and I thought she had made up her mind when she yelled “I’m just going to get an abortion!”  At the time, I thought the abortion was a mutual decision, but I wonder if she felt differently and was just too afraid to tell me.

A few weeks later, she texted me and said she was at the Pregnancy Resource Center and was going to have an ultrasound.  She asked me if I wanted to be there.  I really didn’t know how all of this worked, and assumed she had to have an ultrasound before she could have an abortion. I showed up and stood next to her.

The baby on the screen was bigger than I thought, and I could see it move.  It had arms and legs and the heart was beating. This wasn’t what I expected and I didn’t know what to say.  I wiped a tear from my eye and I think the nurse saw me. After the ultrasound was over she introduced me to John (not his real name).  He was a Fatherhood Coach and told me that he could meet with me and talk about what it’s like to become a dad.  I agreed.

Part of me still feels like a coward, but I also wonder if that’s because of society’s emphasis on men as successful providers. I’ve always had low self-esteem and am really hard on myself.

The truth is, Pregnancy Resource Center wasn’t my first choice, it was my girlfriends.  I didn’t even know there was support and help for guys like me who got a girl pregnant. The day I went in to see the ultrasound changed my life. John and I met several times over the next few months and he even came to the hospital when our baby was born. I would tell any guy…”Go to the Pregnancy Resource Center, they are the best!”